Quote of the day...

"The way players move around, team to team to team, we're basically rooting for laundry."

Quote from the column

"Cards column creates a stir"

By PAUL POVSE

Published Tuesday, October 10, 2006

http://www.sj-r.com

Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

A Cardinal fan emailed me this joke today...

What does a bear on the pill and the World series have in common?

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No Cubs.

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Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

A man was at Wrigley Field watching a Cubs game, when he called a security officer over and said, 'Those people are bothering me.' The security officer looked around him at all the well-behaved spectators and said 'Who, sir?' Wearily, the man pointed out to the Cubs players on the field and said 'Them'.

From a Cubs related entry in the online version of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...

There are a couple more there, but I didn't think those were funny at all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A145441

Here's another entry or two to look at:

20 THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THE CHICAGO CUBS LAST WON THE WORLD SERIES
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/...

The Farmer in Hell
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/...

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Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

Remember the one about the '69 collapse? The Cubs were rumored to be moving to the Philipines and were going to become the Manila Folders. :-)

Does anyone here watch Doctor Who ?

In this series the "Doctor" travels in a time/space vehicle called the Tardis. However, the Tardis is malfunctioning and never takes the Doctor and his companions to where it was programmed to materialize.

Is anyone else looking forward to the episode where the Doctor wants to take Rose to the game where the Cubs win the World series....however, it takes them to the 1945 World Series instead, because the Tardis doesn't have the kind of traveling range it would need to travel to the point in time that it was requested to go to.

Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

As long as you have that Time Travel machine, you may as well go back and tweak that Leon Durham moment that we all find so painful. And I'm sure there's something that could be done for the Cubs in 1969.

You know, there's probably a little tweak that would probably change things around for the 2004 Cubs too. They had a better w/l record than in 2003, but just missed the playoffs. That move would probably involve helping the Cards win though.

And while you're at it, can you send the Tardis to that Red Sox World Series game and help out ex-Cub Bill Buckner?

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Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

The cubs.com forum has a thread where fans are sharing Cubs / Bears / White Sox related jokes.

Here is a sample:

A little boy is walking down the street onoe day and finds a genie jar. He opens it and out comes a genie.

Here is the conversation:

G: I'll give you three wishes.

B: I wish for an XBOX 360, and a PSP and....peace in the middle east.

G: Where is the middle east little boy?

The boy pull out a map and shows him where the middle east is.

G: Uhm, I dont think I can do that little boy. Do you have another wish?

B: Well, could you make the Cubs win the World Series?

The genie pauses and then says:

G: Lemme see that map of the middle east again.

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Three fans are in a desert: a bears fan, vikings fan, and a packers fan. They get captured by these people and get taken to their leader.

The leader says, "You were caught trespassing on my desert. I will now have my men whip you."

His wife feels bad and suggests that he grants them one wish each before the whipping.

The leader says, "Very well. You get one wish each."

The Vikings fan says,"I would like a pillow strapped on my back."

The Packers fan say,"I would like two pillows strapped on my back."

The leader looks to the Bears fan and asks, "And what do you wish?"

The Bears fan replys, "Strap the Packers fan on my back."

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" .....The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter ..... " (attributed to a local D.J.)

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" .....One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth......"--Joe Garagiola

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".....There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help......"--Bill Buckner

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A White Sox fan, a boy scout and a priest are all on airplane. The pilot comes on and says he`s got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the plane is going to crash. The good news is that we have three parachutes but that leaves one person without a parachute.

The pilot grabs one saying "I have to explain what went wrong" and jumps.

The White Sox fan grabs one and say we may win this year and jumps.

The priest looks to the boy scout and says "you take the last one".

The boy replies "We can each have one. That White Sox fan stole my backpack."

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Here's one from a less enjoyable Bears year...

Q: Where in Chicago is the safest place during a tornado?
A: Soldier Field because you rarely see a touchdown there.

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More Cubs jokes here:
http://www.ahajokes.com/chicago_jokes.ht...

Photos from Ryne Sandberg Day at Wrigley Field

Could someone come up with better answers for this question?

What does C.U.B.S. stand for?

Completely

Useless

By

September

Or

Can't

Utilize

Baseball

Strategy

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Here is a photo of a fish tank decoration at my vet's.

One thing to note is the absence of those Cardinal fan fishies.

Photos from Ryne Sandberg's Chicago Cubs jersey number retirement ceremony at Wrigley Field

I was chatting with a Cardinal fan friend of mine yesterday at the Chiropractor's office and the Doc's wife shared this joke with us.

She first needed the prop. She knew a lady nearby was a smoker and asked her for the plastic wrapper from a cigarette pack.

Next she gingerly set the wrapper openside down on the counter and asked "do you know what this is?"

"It is the Cub's trophy case".

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Photos from Ryne Sandberg's Chicago Cubs jersey number retirement ceremony at Wrigley Field

The story goes...

It was my first day on the job...and it was employee day at Wrigley.
The usually thrifty owner of my new company was springing for a mezzanine suite at Wrigley Field and I'd get to enjoy the game on my first day on the job. Imagine that!

The owner's 10 year old grandson was also there. He just learned about recycling and was encouraging everyone to re-use and recycle.

The boy was munching on some sort of chocolate nuts during the game.

I was sitting next to the boy's father (my new boss).

The boy gave his dad a bag of nuts and said "Here, I'm done with these."

So my new boss, focused more on the game than the food, started eating the nuts and offered me some. Now short of a nut allergy, I wasn't going to refuse, plus my new co-workers had already scarfed all the pre-paid food in the suite, so we were on our own for munchies, and I too, didn't want to miss a moment of the game.

Those nuts were oddly moist and had a slight taste of chocolate to them.

During a change of pitchers, my boss asked his son "what did you do to these nuts?"

The boy replied "I only like the chocolate on them. You can have the nuts."

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Rewritten from a joke published in Wise Cracks and Funny Bones: Fun With the Chiropractor

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Ryne Sandberg Day

Cubs 12, Cardinals 3, September 10, 2007 Photos